Tuesday, October 5
shot through the heart
for christ's sake, peter has a KID. so yes, he's married to rachel. who'd have thought he'd actually follow through on something? i'm kind of stunned, i really am. have i really thought we'd get together in the end? i don't know...i guess so, and i guess i still do. what an idiot.
and of course here i sit with the same miserable feelings about my weight and my body as always. i just got back from a 4 day field trip, which is the typical catalyst for this stuff. i'm also pulling some of my slacker stuff, too. not to the point that i'm fucked but i really need to crack down. deja vu, huh. my apartment is a war zone (shit, i forgot about the rent today) but i do still have one or two pairs of clean underwear left.
i'm sick, and i was attacked by a swarm of bees 4 days ago. it was totally worth it for the story i get to tell now - eric yelling at me to run, me yelling that i can't see, then running blindly through the woods without falling down; eric & drew beating me with their field notebooks while i spazz out because there's bees in my hair; eric apoligizing for hitting me in the head, me screaming for him to just DO IT; then everyone else getting stung when they went hunting for my glasses, which were recovered unscathed. classic.
it's late & i'm tired but i want to work some more on my 101 lab, the one thing i AM totally on top of. i love it, i really do, and i think i'm just going to get more & more into it as i get more practice. if anything will motivate me to get my phd it will be this.
i hate that i can't think about peter without pain. i guess it's because he's the closest i ever came to having what i really want. but i have to trust that it's all rolling along as planned. i want to really dedicate myself to school, immerse myself in my work, and let life happen. that's the plan, stan. rock on.
and of course here i sit with the same miserable feelings about my weight and my body as always. i just got back from a 4 day field trip, which is the typical catalyst for this stuff. i'm also pulling some of my slacker stuff, too. not to the point that i'm fucked but i really need to crack down. deja vu, huh. my apartment is a war zone (shit, i forgot about the rent today) but i do still have one or two pairs of clean underwear left.
i'm sick, and i was attacked by a swarm of bees 4 days ago. it was totally worth it for the story i get to tell now - eric yelling at me to run, me yelling that i can't see, then running blindly through the woods without falling down; eric & drew beating me with their field notebooks while i spazz out because there's bees in my hair; eric apoligizing for hitting me in the head, me screaming for him to just DO IT; then everyone else getting stung when they went hunting for my glasses, which were recovered unscathed. classic.
it's late & i'm tired but i want to work some more on my 101 lab, the one thing i AM totally on top of. i love it, i really do, and i think i'm just going to get more & more into it as i get more practice. if anything will motivate me to get my phd it will be this.
i hate that i can't think about peter without pain. i guess it's because he's the closest i ever came to having what i really want. but i have to trust that it's all rolling along as planned. i want to really dedicate myself to school, immerse myself in my work, and let life happen. that's the plan, stan. rock on.
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